How do I tell someone about my day? By all accounts, it was an average day. It was uneventful, fun even, from the right angle. I laughed, I was serious, I took notes. I’m in college and I had a normal college day. Except. Except the looming existential dread. Except the intense fear that everything is going to crash down around me. Except the lurking idea that things might be better if I were absent from the picture. Except the nausea that never quite leaves the pit of my stomach. Except the thought that at any second Anyone Anywhere At any time Could decide they don’t want me anymore. Could figure out there are so many things wrong with me. Could figure out my brain doesn’t work. Every day is a normal day. Except they never really are.
Written in September of 2018.
Mental health is an incredibly significant struggle in my life, one that writing helps to ease. I hope that you will reach out to me if this resonates with you, that you will seek help should you need it, and that you know that you are loved.